Bad Santa, Happy Hanukkah, Textbook Ranting, I Hate Paul Harvey and Miss You All

One of the supporters that I know from my trips to the elementary schools asked me to play Santa at a Christmas party. I was pumped. Of course the party was bright and early on a Sunday morning following a lantern festival that I thoroughly enjoyed and in the process got slightly drunk at. I didn't know what was going on half the time, had no script and just kind of went in the direction they pointed me. Made it through the party and my friend, the supporter lady who invited me, had me over to her house for lunch. She has three little kids who are fun, but really loud and the party and activity continued back at their house. I got to take off the Santa suit before I ate. After lunch I sat down on the couch (a rarity in Japanese houses) and ended up passing out for two hours. The mom loved it though, cause the kids finally shut up while I was sleeping so as not to disturb the guest.


I was also tasked with giving a lesson about Hanukkah for the students at my Junior High School. At this point I've figured out that these lessons are more about satisfying my boss than teaching the students. I wish I had some pictures of the lessons cause I'm sure Baba and Zayda would've gotten a kick out of some of the flashcards and chalk-board-work. I taught them about the temple and how it was destroyed and how there was only enough oil for one day but.......OH MY GOD.....A MIRACLE...... the oil lasted for eight days!!! This was a tough sell to 30+ Japanese 13 year olds who were waiting for the lunch bell to ring. I introduced them to latkes, the Star of David and dreidels and feel confident that not one of them retained one bit of the lesson. I, and more importantly, my boss, enjoyed it though.


In a related story - I've got to share with you how awful the English textbooks at my school are. I believe they are sanctioned statewide, so the Board of Educations decides on a textbook and every school in the state (prefecture) must abide. It is asinine. I can't imagine what English teacher would have A: formulated such lesson plans and B: given this book the green light. With as much emphasis as they put on the importance of learning English here, they sure don't put much thought into it. I'm going to attempt to quote one of the most recent lessons we had to teach to our second graders (12 and 13 year-olds). It was about a blind half-Japanese, half-Mexican-American opera singer. The way these lessons go is there is a story in the text that we are to teach the students. We teach them by practicing the select vocabulary words out loud together using flashcards and then read and repeat the passage from the book in the same manner. Teacher (me) first and students repeat. For this lesson the passage began with something like this: "Why did my grandmother die? I hate my mother and father. I want to die too." Keep in mind that my role is to be energetic and read these passages as a model and keep the students interested in learning English. So I had a little bit of trouble keeping the smile on for this one. Also keep in mind that teenage suicide is a huge problem in Japan due to the pressures put on kids at such a young age. Junior High is like high school in the states where they have to take entrance exams and apply to get into the high school of their choice - the high schools vary in educational quality and prestige and if one wants to get into a good college (which translates into getting a good job), one must be in a good high school and if one wants to get into a good high school, one must score high on these tests and be accepted. In addition to all of this, they have club activities (basketball, orchestra, brass band, tennis, baseball, ping-pong...etc.) which they practice 7-days a week, before school and after school, all year round. On top of that, some students, after they finish up with their club activity at about 7pm, they go straight to their "Cram Schools" which are private tutors or specialized classes that usually take them to about 10 or 11pm. So they've got a lot on their plates. And with the increasing levels of Japanese teenage suicide rates these days, I don't know who in their right mind would think: "Hmmm, how should we start lesson #14? Oh, I know, 'Why did my grandmother die? I hate my mother and father. I want to die too.' Ok, next line." Fortunately half the class was sleeping during this lesson so hopefully we won't have any fall out. It's ridiculous - the other teachers think it's crazy too - flashcards for words like "die" and "cancer." "Urinary Tract Infection", "overdose" and "rheumatism" must be high-school level vocab. Cancer was one from the third grade class - these kids can barely answer the question, 'How are you?' but they're getting fed the seven deadly sins cause it's in the textbook.


Every day I hear the rest of the story from Paul Harvey on the Armed Forces Network and his voice agitates my insides as if I were to shower in honey, take a dip in a pool of pollen and then jump on a bee hive. I fight the urge to puke in my mouth about once a week as a result of his trademark stammering and emphatic beat-you-over-the-head alliterations. Every now and then he gets the day off for his routine resuscitations or maybe scrabble contests. On these days he is substituted by Paul Harvey Jr. (apple doesn't fall far from the tree) and the reflux subsides a bit, but the taste remains. I can give a nice "Good day...?" impersonation, but it causes me to hock up some phlegm and keel over at the waist. Not a pretty sight, but accurate if I do say so myself.

A Message from my brother

Not entirely gaijin related content - but felt the need to forward. These videos gave me nightmares for three days and subdued the little holiday cheer I had in the tank. So, if you decide to view them, please be conscious of the timing in which you do so. They are very tough to stomach.

Hi everyone,

I don't often write politically or morally-motivated e-mails, and especially don't often (if ever) send them out in bulk. I respect people for the choices they make and respect their right to make those choices and am never really one to try to change people's minds or habits. But every now and again the activist in me wins out and I feel like a message is important enough to at least spread awareness on. I leave it to you to consider/evaluate/judge what you read or watch, although I still think it's important that people know about certain things.
Most of you probably know that last year I went vegetarian both as a way to get in better shape and because I had some moral qualms with eating meat - more importantly with how mainstream society goes about GETTING its meat. I'm not some psychopath PETA activist by any stretch of the imagination, but there is a lot to be said about common sense and common decency.
There are a lot of things that I strongly object to; the rise of radical Islam, the excess of corn in our diets, the lack of logical political activism in large societies, factory farming, and so on. I write this not to change anyone's mind, but again, to just increase awareness on something that really does mean a lot to me. So what is this all about, you ask?

The fur industry.

It's about to make headlines again (it happens about once every year or so) with PETA's new attacks on Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen for their fur-wearing habits. But like most of you probably would agree, things don't suddenly become important just because Fox News decides it's a slow news day. These are matters of human decency, if there is such a thing, or matters of humanity in and of itself, even, that have existed for centuries. Bad press, stupid activists and a general sense of indifference usually sweep these things under the rug until, as I mentioned, it's a slow news day, or until something big happens to keep it in the spotlight until something bigger happens to take its place (I know I used the word 'until' a lot in that sentence. Deal with it!)

I've spent more time than some would consider healthy, scouring Google for information on the fur industry. What have I found? It's really not as bad as some might make it out to be. Does this mean it's not bad? I'll let you decide. One should always keep in mind that for videos like the ones I'm about to show, there is a definite, biased, political purpose behind them. While the "good side" of the fur industry may be overlooked in such videos, you have to ask yourself "What good is a 'good side' when the 'bad side' is really this bad?"

PETA is famous for its shock publicity, and who can blame them? Shock publicity works at grabbing attention. Shock publicity sometimes means bad publicity, but some would argue that bad publicity is better than no publicity. At the expense of being labeled crackpots by 75% of the country, such shock advertising has the effect of at least snaring 25% of the remainder towards a cause that PETA believes in.
So I leave it to you to label PETA however you choose -- I know I'm not too fond of them or their tactics, myself. But factual video speaks for itself, regardless of underlying circumstance or political motivation.
Some decide to argue: "Well sure, they're showing you all of these terrible things... but they're not showing you all of the other stuff. It's propaganda; politically motivated."
When you watch a video of an American contractor being beheaded on Al-Jazeera, you are not being shown the decades of Palestinian/Islamic oppression. You are not being given the story behind the Israeli struggle with its neighbors, or the United States' involvement in the middle-east. All you are watching is a man having his head sawed off by a blunt blade, and spending 30+ seconds breathing through a halfway-opened neck. This speaks for itself in its savagery.
To that same degree, while I feel compassion for all creatures, I find it very difficult to reconcile the difference between clubbing and slowly skinning an animal alive, completely capable of feeling and expressing pain and terror, and the slow torture and beheading of Americans by the followers of radical Islam.

These humans and animals aren't crickets, whose nervous systems are governed by subtle, and largely instinctive reflex responses. These aren't amoebas, whose "desire" to stay alive stems from a vague chemical fingerprint that differentiates between bad and good chemicals. These are vertebrates, with complex central nervous systems. They are, with the exception of brain capacity, in every way shape and form on par with human beings.
I would not skin my dogs any sooner than I would skin one of my family or friends. There is nothing that sets a rabbit apart from a human being on this scale.

With that said, I'm going to link to two VERY upsetting videos which I have had the misfortune of watching over the last year or two. One represents the annual Harp Seal hunt in Canada. The other is more of a stock compilation of a fur farm in what I believe is Southeast Asia. Generally if you watch a video on the fur industry, it will include scenes from this second video. It's shocking and disturbing to say the very least.

I'm not sure how recent the scenes from the second video are, however you'd have to torture me and skin me alive to convince me that these are trends that no longer occur on a massive and nearly global scale.

The video of the Harp Seal hunt is as recent as 2006, and possibly 2007. These are things that happen every day. When I've shown people these videos, they usually stop watching them very quickly. Unseen and unheard, I don't think they have the impact that they should. We seem to often find ourselves in the position to choose to ignore such things -- whether it's about something like the fur industry, or something more important. If we ignore it or don't read about it, it's not our problem. I tend to disagree, though.

So... I'm going to link to these videos and leave it to your best judgment whether to watch them or not. They are incredibly graphic, incredibly disturbing, and they contain pictures and imagery that just may stay with you for the rest of your life. I think they are very important videos, because they match images to the hype, slogans and other propaganda. If it were up to me, every humane person with some semblance of a conscience would watch these videos. But I also understand that this is not a subject matter that most people ever associate (or want to associate) themselves with, and are truthfully not prepared to watch, so I very respectfully understand anyone's choice not to watch them, period. I simply hope that you do not fall into the pool of people who believe that by not watching something, it does not exist. The world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes. Since you are all family and friends, I know that this isn't the case, and know that none of you are the kinds of pawns that I'm describing here. Anyways...

Do not watch them with children around. Do not share what happens in them with children. Watch them with a strong constitution and be open-minded. If 10 seconds from these videos is not enough to somehow impact what you think of the fur industry, then I think we may need to have words :)

Before I link them, I'll close with just a little bit more. I know there are bigger fish to fry in the world: Sudan, Iraq, Al Gore, etc. This is by no means the most important thing. But as a society if we only tackled the most important thing at any given time, nothing would ever get done, as we'd probably all be stuck, still trying to cure AIDS while children starve to death, wars are waged, and the rest of civilization crumbles. This happens to be something that holds personal value to me, as an animal lover and lover of life in general. And it's something that I think I can at least make some sort of impact on. Asking people to stop wearing fur is a lot easier than asking them to change what they eat, stop eating meat, petition factory farms, starve themselves, etc. This is something that I feel everyone can easily embrace, so I've chosen to write about it. Lastly, please don't make the mistake of thinking that I'm just on some bandwagon for cute and furry creatures. I think every animal deserves respect and compassion, whether they're sitting next to you reading this, bred for food, or swimming in the wrong place at the wrong time when a boat propeller hits them.

If you're still reading ... I'm impressed!

So here are the videos, courtesy of PETA. Pay no attention to the other PETA fluff that's on the sites, if there is any... this just happens to be where I could find the videos online. I'm happy to discuss stuff like this, so feel free to write back with thoughts, criticisms, opt-outs, and so on.

http://getactive.peta.org/campaign/trollsen_twins_peta2?qp_source=p2advgametroll&c=p22549
- Very graphic, very upsetting. Rated M for Mature

http://www.hsus.org/protect_seals.html
- Very graphic, but among the more mild of the Seal Hunt videos. More of a documentary, but still upsetting.

- Elliot
Disclaimer: Any spelling or grammatical mistakes were made intentionally to keep the readers on their toes.
Disclaimer 2: Unless you want to reply to everyone that I've sent this to, click "Reply" instead of "Reply to All" :)
Disclaimer 3: I've spent too much time writing these disclaimers and refuse to write any more.
Disclaimer 4: Except for this one.

The KC and Konrad Treatment

Konrad got here a couple days ahead of the Caseman, and was able to enjoy the Sowa JHS Chorus Competition. Here he is enjoying some of the second grade boys.

Here we are in Tsukiji market enjoying a wonderful lunch of sushi and sake.

Here we are at the Imperial Palace and Gardens in Tokyo with some fellow sightseers. Please see the videos link on the right portion of this page for these lovely young ladies in action.

"Man and the city"

Yeeeooowwweeeeeee!!!!

Here we are enjoying a lovely Japanese dinner in Tokyo, Japan with some Japanese friends that KC new from his time in New Zealand. They showed us how to enjoy the wonderful Japanese tradition of putting a towel on the top of your head.

Here KC and Konrad are enjoying karaoke, another wonderfully fun Japanese custom of singing the words of a song through a microphone as it is played over loud speakers for all to enjoy. It's really great. It appears KC might have muffed the words to this particular song - OOPS!!! - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - a definite "no,no" here in Japan.



Our enjoyable weekend in Aizu:

The quaint street lined with historic thatch-roofed huts in the Old Village of Aizu.

We were lucky enough to enjoy the fall Japanese tradition of the leaves changing colors. Every year, in Japan, for about two-three weeks, the leaves on ALL of the trees change from green to red, yellow, orange and yes, sometimes brown!
They call this Koyo. I call it wonderful!
But now all the leaves have fallen off the trees and died.

We enjoyed taking pictures of Aizu's castle and the park and shrines surrounding it.

Here we are posing in front of three large things of sake after we enjoyed a tour of the Sake factory. We didn't understand most of the 30 minute tour, but one of the first things the guide pointed out and one of the only things we understood, was that every year a "stirrer" dies in the factory from inhaling fumes while stirring during the Sake making process.

Here we are with Emi, my friend in Aizu and our guide to all of its wonderful attractions. We are enjoying a lovely Japanese dinner at a Japanese bar - these are called Izakaya's.

Here is Aizu's castle at night time.

Konrad left two days before KC - missed his flight - came back from the airport - enjoyed another night in Koga - then left a day before KC. On KC's last night we thought it'd be a super idea if we tried to partake in the ancient Japanese tradition of Wasabing: the practice and art of enjoying wasabi, through one's nose. Fortunately Toshi - KC's friend from ASU (KC knows more people in Japan than I do) - and his friends are experts in this craft. So, we went out for a superbly fantastic lovely and enjoyable night of Wasabing in Tokyo, for mr. Kruger's last night.

Wasabing 101:

Step 1: Grind yourself up nice little glob of fresh wasabi

Step 2: Place a dallop of freshly ground wasabi on the end of a chopstick

Step 3: Take a nice big whiff through one of your nostrils until all of the wasabi has left the chopstick and flown up your nasal cavity

Step 4: Brace yourself for the post nasal prick, also known as "the bing"

Step 5 (optional): If you are a true Wasabing master you will enjoy a nice swig of soy sauce to complement the sweet tingle of the Wasabi


Step 6: Enjoy


These kids get that Wasabi in em, they get all antsy in the pantsy

Wasabing can also be enjoyed manually:

So whenever, wherever and however you decide to enjoy Wasabing, please remember to respect the traditions, values and customs in which the art is practiced by partaking in this activity with humility and reverence. Please do not attempt to drive or operate heavy machinery after Wasabing more than 6 times in one hour and under no circumstances should one attempt to care for children or provide guidance of any kind after a heavy night of Wasabing.
Please enjoy Wasabing responsibly.

Here is a construction worker in Tokyo, enjoying a little nap between shifts.
Even when they're sleeping, they're working.

But hey...

So long my brave warriors - and thank you...for everything.

I cover the pain of their absence with intense sarcasm and wordy humor.

Live at Sowa JHS Culture Festival

KC and Konrad came out for two weeks which was a nice breathe of fresh air for us creeps under water. Konrad arrived on Thursday and KC on Saturday. Sunday was my school's annual culture festival and without a doubt the happiest day of the year for these kids. It's a day long party with performances, songs, talent shows and various themed parties throughout the school. Everyone's in a great mood, family and friends go, the kids are screwing around and having fun, laughing, teachers are taking it slightly easy - a polar opposite from the day-to-day.

I'd known about this festival for a while and as with my previous performance, dragged my heels in volunteering to perform a song - I waited till Wedensday, the week before. They told me I had 5 minutes.

The day of the festival we were screwing around with the kids and involved in all the other ruckus going on. We helped at the Halloween party by emceeing the BINGO game along with various other pro-bono appearances. We didn't go on till about 3pm but only had time for a 10 minute dress rehearsal right after lunch. We threw in a Kojima Yoshio move (he's so hot right now) to ensure we got a laugh. At this point I hadn't been very nervous at all. The three of us have been doing this song for a few years now - granted in a much different and less sober state than we were in on this day - but we all new our lines for the most part and it's an easy enough song and pretty difficult to screw up. There were going to be over 600 watching us, but our familiarity with the song, the presence of my friends and the busyness of the day had a calming - diverting effect on the nerves. For a while at least.

Then the bell rang, the lights dimmed. We were rushed backstage and were the 4th act of about 10. Behind the curtain, the scene was weird, frantic and unsettling. The acts following us were various dance numbers to be performed by groups of 5 - 20 14 year old boys - some dressed as girls, some in nothing but short shorts and all involving some sort of make-up and/or glitter garnishment. They were all crammed backstage with us - bustling around, fixing their hair or costumes or whatever. After 5 minutes back there, the fear set in.

Sweat was pouring down my face and neck. I was shaking and fidgeting around. Honestly thought I was going to piss my pants. Most nervous I've ever been - I think. The other two were fine though, offering words of encouragement like, "Ahh, you know what, we don't really feel like doing this anymore - good luck buddy" and inappropriate comments about how cute all the little girls backstage were (I actually joined in here - and may have been the ring leader - I guess sometimes instinct just takes over) - Creeps. One of the acts before us was one kid (hack) singing karaoke by himself - I swear he didn't move the entire song - and this brought me down slightly from piss threat level red to orange.

Then we got our cue and the rest doesn't need much help explaining.

Live at Sowa Taiikuken

So the Japanese lessons that I go to every week are kind of an International friendship effort, with a bunch of Japanese people trying to make life easier and more enjoyable for gaijin in the area. There are about 20 - 25 students that go to these classes, with various countries of origin, Indonesians, Chinese, Taiwanese, Filipinos. I'm the only American except for a couple mormons who grace us occasionally. The lessons help a lot with my Japanese progression and they also tell us of different happenings around town, cool cultural stuff to see, festivals and the like. They're great.

A couple weeks ago they spoke of a festival in Sowa, right across the street from the school that I teach at and about a 5 minute bike ride away from my apartment. They were speaking of performances. I took a big gulp and said I could play guitar if they wanted. Right after uttering those words, I wished I hadn't. They pounced on me, asking for three songs: 1-"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands;" 2 - the Star Spangled Banner; and 3 - one American song of my choice (the only name that really came to mind was Bob Dylan and I picked the shortest song of his that I know - All Along the Watchtower). It was a two day festival and I was playing on Sunday, but they got me to promise I'd go Saturday too. It's hard to say no sometimes.

It was packed Saturday, tons of my students all over the place, couldn't walk 10 feet with out getting yelled at. They had this huge stage set up with all this AV and crap. The Indonesians have a band of their own - really legit - and they played a few songs to a good crowd.



I couldn't eat for the rest of the day I was so nervous. I've never played on a stage or to a crowd before and they're tossing me up there, in front of all of them? I'll get eaten alive. The whole week prior I practiced the crap out of these songs, that I'd pretty much known how to play for a while and aren't very difficult at all. Alone in my apartment, standing up, picturing a blank faced, unsympathetic and confused crowd of Japanese, politely waiting for me to get off the stage - sweating. The practice really was just a nervous reaction and probably had very little effect on the performance. The only way to prepare for playing in front of people is to play in front of people.

Sunday came around and I went to the festival with a few supportive Japanese friends and a hangover. We got there and they had a little tent area set up with speakers and mics - this was going to be my stage - I got to feeling better very quickly. Baby steps. I was on about 15 minutes after I arrived and it was over pretty quick. I played Dylan first, then the Star Spangled Banner. About an hour later I played while we all sang If you're happy and you know it clap your hands and then my Indonesian back up singers showed up, so we sang the Star Spangled Banner again. No footage of this performance, but it was probably the funniest of all of them.

There was some other footage though:








I don't know if they have a direct translation in Japanese for words like "grace," "captivating," "stage presence" , and "Dylanesque" but if they do, they must've been spoken on this day. If not then, friends, sometimes, you don't need a common ground language to send/receive a message and you know, this might've been one of those times. After I was done, they gave me a coke and an envelope with 1000 yen in it, telling me thank you for playing. Best 1000 yen I ever made.


More images from the festival:

Oze

Oze is a national park about four hours away from Koga, by car. A family that I've befriended (pictured below) invited me to go. It was actually the grandma that invited me. I met the mom teaching at an elementary school. I go to a different elementary school to teach about every week for a day. When I go, since I can't speak japanese, they have a supporter that goes with me to help interpret and make sure I don't bring shame on my company.

So, the mom, Kunitate, was a supporter at one elementary school. She'd visited Utah a long time ago, and everyone was nice to her there, so she wanted to pay it forward and invited me to their house for dinner. I've probably been there 6 or 7 times since that first time. Her husband speaks english too and they have a PRECIOUS little girl, maybe 1 or 2 years old named Kanna. They're really nice and always tell me about Japanese happenings/suggestions/trivia/stuff that I would've never found on my own or from any of the other gaijin. So, we were talking about places to go in Japan, sites to see, and I mentioned that I like hiking (here, you tend to like everything), and it turns out that the grandma goes hiking about once a month with a group of friends. I didn't think much of it, and then I get an email inviting me to go to Oze with the grandma and her friends. This came out of nowhere since she never really spoke to me at dinners and was kind of neither seen nor heard around the house. But, what the hell, I accepted.

Kunitate responded by saying that I didn't have to go if I didn't want to and that her friends are old and don't speak english - kind of downplaying it all. I said, "Awwww, dai-jobu desu, it sounds fun, of course I want to go." They kind of said, "Allright, if you really think so." About a month later after carefully packing the necessities (given to me in list form and great detail from them two weeks in advance) I headed over to their house to begin our trip to Oze.

I was supposed to be their at 3:40am and I got there at 3:40am (10 minutes late here) and grandma was waiting outside, all decked out in her hiking gear, and two bags stuffed to the brim. It was raining a little and we walked to the main street where we waited to be picked up by her friends. I was also informed earlier that week some "great news" about our trip from Kunitate. Her younger cousins (so, grandma's sister's daughters) were going to go on this trip. "They're about 28 years old and nurses and speak a little english, so if you get hurt you'll be ok." Jackpot.

The car ride there was pretty painful since I was tired and didn't feel like pushing a conversation or being "genki" on an hour of sleep. We talked for a couple hours and slept for the last two. Everyone was nice, and dumbed down their japanese for me to keep up. The girls were funny and friendly. One of em lives in Koga and the other lives in a city about an hour away. Good people; the day's looking up. We woke up, parked the car and then took a bus for half an hour through the mountains to the starting line. Beautiful drive, and we started out on foot at about 8am.

Beautiful scenery, easy hiking/walking, good conversation. Half way through it started raining though. It didn't bring us down or ruin it by any means, but if it was nicer out, we would've gone longer, been able to see more and wouldn't have been as wet and cold. Once it started raining, it didn't stop for the rest of the day. We got halfway around the big lake and then turned back. The trails/wooden walk-ways were getting slippery and we were cold.

Took much longer getting back (seemed that way anyways - as it usually does), but we made it. We were all tired, but everyone was still having a good time. Never a complaint or fight among anyone - it's kind of like that everywhere in japan. No bad moods, you just keep going. We got back to Koga after stopping for a dip in an onsen and dinner at about 7 or so. There was talk of another trip next month, hopefully I'll get the memo as promised.

Grandma, Kunitate, Kanna, Shinji, Bengali

From right to left: Funny dude construction worker - homeboy of grandma's friend, grandma's friend, grandma's sister, grandma's friend, grandma, nurses up front

Just a wonderful shot from our first resting spot.

on the road to the lake


dorkus del mundo






Grandma at lunchtime - turns out it was a ton of food that was stuffed in her bags - she ate practically none of it, while I was kindly force-fed almost everything.


When it started raining, we were ready.


the lake

a stream in a town just outside of Oze

post onsen, pre-long ride home